Author Archive

Life without hubby

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

This week Jason goes away for 4 days for a work conference. WHAT WILL I DO? Oh boy. Makes me think a lot about single parents. How do they do it? It’s so nice to have someone else around to hold Silas for a bit so I can get things done, or just give my shoulder a break.

Stay tuned to see how I fare…

Silas at 2months!

Monday, March 15th, 2010

So what does a two month old DO?

Silas started smiling a number of weeks ago and smiles when I sing to him, or when Jason or I talk to him. I call his change table his ‘happy place’ because almost immediately after I place him there he starts smiling and cooing!
He has found his right hand and tries to suck on it (often shoving the whole thing in his mouth!). He has started batting at hanging toys and loves his new play mat I found at a kids used item swap meet. He likes his bath, after he gets used to the water, and loves sleeping in his swing, in the moving car, or on daddy’s chest, and enjoys going for walks with mom. He is a soother addict.
He is a LOUD crier and always cries when I try to burp him. And burp he does! Others have commented he burps like a grown man!
He spits up A LOT and we go through a ton of receiving blankets and sleepers. The other day I had to change my pants, my shirt (twice) and my socks (?) from all his spit up!
He is now getting distracted while eating and seems to LOVE looking at blinds (?)
His cheeks are nice and full and his tummy super round. He loves to kick and punch often his mom being the recipient. (Jason was shocked the other day to see how much he pummels me when he eats!) When is on his back he kicks a ton, and practically moves himself around because of his kicks.
He doesn’t like tummy time all that much, but is able to lift his head quite well. He enjoys playing by himself on the play mat and will sit there cooing and making noises until he is tired.
We can’t stop kissing his little head (which is now growing back a little more light brown hair) and we wonder what his eye colour will be as they still just look dark.
He has started sleeping a bit longer at night (yahoo) but still doesn’t really enjoy daytime naps. He rarely sleeps unless we put a blanket over his head as he just seems to want to look around and see everything!
It’s amazing to see how much this little boy has taken over our world after only 2 months!!!


Saturday, March 13th, 2010

I’m smiling a lot today. Something about a starbucks coffee in hand, a bit of freedom, and some beautiful cherry blossom trees….

Parenting so far has given me a new appreciation for things, of which I am reflecting on today. Such as:
sleep. The sun seems brighter, the air fresher, the day better when I have a good nights’ sleep
a hot coffee or hot food. The other day I microwaved the same cup of coffee 3 times!
the sense of great accomplishment I feel when I finally complete an unfinished task. Be it folding a load of laundry, getting a chance to vacuum, or answering an e-mail, it’s always a feat!
grocery shopping. Who knew that getting out of the house for just an hour or so would be so exciting!
company. I have always been a social addict, but now more than ever I crave adult interaction. have never appreciated more just getting to go out for coffee with someone or have someone over for an afternoon.

I went for a walk today and reflected on how much I enjoy this time of life right now. My heart feels full. I love having a routine (never thought I’d say that) and getting a chance to go out and try new things. I joined a women’s bible study which meets, weekly. I am starting a mom and baby fitness class, weekly. I go to life group, weekly. I’m so thankful for canadian maternity leave where I don’t have to work shift work and can enjoy the ebb and flow of weeks, weekends, and all the everyday days, day after day, with my little love-able baby boy (who I can hear cooing in the other room right now!)
p.s. kisses. I am addicted to kissing my little boy’s round little warm cheeks.


Monday, March 8th, 2010

I knew there was a lot to adjust to in new motherhood- however, the WAYS I have had to adjust I never expected. Dealing with insomnia night after night has been sooo frustrating, and I never expected to have issues with it. Since week three I have struggled with getting to sleep or getting back to sleep after feeding Silas. He’s been sleeping well- sometimes even for 4 hours straight! But then I’m lying there in bed, staring at the ceiling. This has been a huge trial and hurdle. I have done everything in the book to help me get to sleep- wine, gravol, other sleeping pills, baths, walks, massages, etc etc etc. I feel so helpless and frustrated, and that I’m somehow not ‘cutting it’ as a mother. I’m supposed to be the one up all night feeding and taking care of Silas so that Jason can get a good nights’ rest and go to work the next day and he’s often needing to stay up to put him back to sleep or feed him a bottle of expressed milk just so I can somehow manage to get a minimum amount of sleep. When will this end????? I can’t nap (have never been able to…) I just pray and hope that this doesn’t go on forever and that Silas somehow manages to start sleeping longer in the night cause I’m not sure how long I can manage like this.

Who knew that sleep could be so difficult to achieve? I have never struggled with it before in my life- used to hit the pillow and I’d be out. Now I often sleep lightly- dreaming like crazy, restless. Or I lie there waiting for him to feed again so I have an excuse to be awake. I never knew the lack of sleep could have such ramifications on my life. The nights I sleep, I have the most amazing days afterwards. The sun is shining, I’m smiling and productive, loving my son and my life. The nights I don’t sleep I’m emotional the next day, unproductive and lazy, impatient with my son, and generally discouraged and weepy.
Ugh. I never knew this was going to be a factor in new parenthood. I knew that I would get less sleep- but 2 hours a night sometimes? Lord help me.

Injection Free!

Monday, March 1st, 2010

I was reviewing old journal entries today from early in pregnancy and I find it so amazing. I was so anxious and worried, afraid of how my diagnosis would affect my pregnancy. I fought it for awhile, argued with doctors, and just didn’t want to have to endure 9 months + 6 weeks of daily needle injections. The medication for the injections is expensive, it’s obviously painful, and how would I ever know if I could have a healthy pregnancy without them? Should I gamble and not take the injections since I didn’t believe I even had this condition to begin with? Or should I take these doctors’ opinions as a protection from God- to protect the baby and me from a disastrous outcome?

And here I am. Now all of that is hindsight. It’s in the past. It’s finished.
Praise God the giver and sustainer of life! He created Silas in my womb, He knit him together perfectly, He protected us from health complications and His grace WAS sufficient for me, His power WAS made perfect in my weakness. I made it! I did the injections, I daily had to sit down again, take a deep breath again, say a quick prayer again, and endure a painful self-inflicted jab.
But the cost was not too high.
I see Silas and I think “of course it was worth it.” I think “why did I worry? Why was I afraid?” “of course God would protect us, of course He would be enough.”
I need this to be a lesson for life. To let go and trust God that He ALWAYS has my good in mind because of Christ. I need to remember every time I look at Silas that it was surely God who gave him to me, sustained his life in me- despite health conditions, and brought forth good from bad.
I praise You Father because of your goodness to me.

First times

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Some fun ‘first times’ in the world of Silas Gabriel:
My first time wearing a clown nose (he looked so ridiculous with that massive thing on his face!).

First time receiving important mail with my very own name on it! (Yes! Now that he has his social insurance number he can start contributing around here…ha ha)

First time visiting the ocean! Too bad I can’t see that far and the edge of my baby seat was in the way… (we spent a beautiful day in west vancouver visiting out of town friends from south korea!)

First ridiculous hat my parents made me wear… but Mom kept saying that I looked so cute in this bumblebee hat and my yellow sleeper…(poor child)

6 weeks into motherhood

Friday, February 26th, 2010

I should blog more. So much has changed over this past month (obviously) that I don’t even know where to begin. I figure I’ll just start from today.

It’s strange how routine my life has become in some ways. Every day I open the blinds, make the bed, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep....take a shower, do some devos, do some laundry and dishes, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep….maybe do some e-mailing, maybe take a walk with him in the stroller while he’s sleeping…breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep…maybe start dinner and then kiss Jason as he comes in the door and hand him his son. Watch some olympics, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep….and eventually end the day at an early 8 pm after closing the blinds and turning down the covers.
But then, days aren’t routine because I’m learning new things every day- such as if I sing to Silas, he’ll smile at me, or if I put him on his tummy for naps, he naps better. Or if I rock him just so, in the dark laundry room while things are in the dryer, he’ll get to sleep faster. I’m learning that I love him so much more each day than the day before and I can’t seem to get enough kisses on him. Or I learn again just how incredible my husband is to help me with Silas in the night, let me go to bible study once a week, massage me to help me get to sleep…
So each day is the same, and different, at the same time.
I’ve also never been more thankful. Thankful that I have a healthy, growing son. Thankful that I can clothe him and feed him, and that I even have him to begin with. Thankful for family who have been so understanding and helpful along the way. Thankful that even though I’m having issues with insomnia- that my insomnia is not caused by living in a war zone or in the wake of an earthquake where I have no shelter or bed to sleep in.
This journey into motherhood has been a WHIRLWIND. I think the first three weeks especially were super hard. Never have I been so needed and depleted at the same time. I’ve never before had to live one day at a time like this. If I have a bad day where I’m tired and my son is screaming and crying and I don’t know what’s wrong, I know that I’ll also have good days where I’m rested, my son is content and understandable, and where I might even get to spend time visiting with friends or getting to go to shopping (WHO KNEW IT COULD BE SO MUCH FUN to get out of the house!)
Just blabbing thoughts.
I need to blog more.

Silas Gabriel Brink’s Birthday

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

Well, I’m finally sitting down to write down the story of how Silas came into the world. Reader discretion is advised (I’m a nurse you see, and realize that some people want ALL the details).

Here goes:
So the week before Silas was born I had a lot of braxton hicks contractions. I had had them for weeks and weeks but they seemed to be coming on more. The tuesday before I lost part of my mucus plug and continued losing it until about Friday so I was wondering if things were happening. The midwife tried to check me on Wednesday to see how far along I was, but it wasn’t particularly enlightening so it was still ambiguous when labor would officially begin. That night I had a lot of regular braxton hicks so went to bed thinking “maybe tonight!” Nope. Ambiguity continued. Then on Friday I had braxton hicks contractions all throughout the day- and was thinking it MUST be starting today!!! Well, I slept terribly that night and ended up napping all morning (my official due date January 16th) but the contractions had stopped. ARG. That day my family made bets on when baby was to be born and everything thought not until the next week or two…
Well that night I thought my water was breaking at about 10 pm. We called the midwife and she came by to check and said it was ‘ambiguous’ if it was amniotic fluid so…..??? She said I might go into labour that night. So I showered, went to bed and as soon as I went to bed the contractions started hard and fast. They started at 5 min apart and already fairly strong and painful in my back. After a couple of hours of coping, sitting on the ball, ‘attempting’ to watch a movie, we called the midwife back. She came and checked me and I was at 3 cm or so. She said to call her when they intensified in a number of hours.
HA! A number of hours? Like 2 hours later we called because they were strong and getting closer and closer together, already at like 2.5 minutes or so apart. She checked me again and found me to be 3-4 cm apart so started calling to the hospital.
Bit of drama at this point. I was getting such intense contractions and back pain…and she called Surrey hospital and they couldn’t take me! Something about not enough nursing staff??? The other hospital within close distance is Langley and they couldn’t take me either! I was already starting to sense that I would need some pain meds soon because they were getting to be so painful. Another midwife arrived too to help with the coping and starting putting a lot of pressure on my back because the labor was so intense in my back.
Well Surrey finally decided to take me but said I’d have to wait at home for 2 hours until the next nursing shift arrived. I tell you- those two hours were very, very hard. I wanted to get to the hospital so badly and was in so much pain. The contractions were already right on top of each other. We tried the bath tub, the ball, anything but I was crying and having a really hard time coping.
Finally, after two hours of this, we were going to the hospital at about 7 am. The ride to the hospital was super hard for J and I. I clutched that uh-oh handle like nobody’s business! When we got there they rushed me into the room and right away threw some gas on me. yay! delirium! Was a nice break from the pain a bit. They checked me and already I was 5 cm dilated, and fully effaced, and baby Silas’ head had engaged quite far in the pelvis and was quite low.
So I took the epidural. I was in such heavy back pain that it seemed the right time to use it- the best time to use it actually because we thought maybe it could relax me enough to take me to 10 cm. Oh how I loved that anesthesiologist! The epidural was delightful and SO necessary.
So they did the whole IV, foley and epidural. And I was supposed to sleep at this point but I was too relieved that most of the pain was gone (save the serious pressure in my back and pelvis).
Two hours later the midwife checked me and no change…so she popped my bag of waters.
Two more hours later they were monitoring baby’s heart and it started to appear that baby was not coping with the stress of labor. It was a bit panicky so the midwife called the OB in. He wasn’t as concerned about the heart although the rest of the staff seemed to be gearing up towards a c-section already and prepping me for surgery already. The OB checked me then and found that not only was I not any further dilated (still at 5 cm) but the baby’s had had actually gone back UP the pelvis and was not engaged anymore, was posterior facing (hence the back labor) and his head was now de-flexed when it should be flexed.
SO he determined this baby was truly not going to come out the pelvis and he needed to do an emergency c-section. It was pretty emotional and tough because I really did want to have the baby naturally and things had been going along so well up until that point. Plus, it felt scary and rushed because there were so many people in the room getting me prepped for surgery.
However, as soon as we saw his little face peak over the curtain in the operating room, I was so relieved and happy to know that he was healthy and perfect, and was sooo cute- that a c-section really wasn’t going to get me down enough to ruin our first moments with him.
Jason was there in the whole surgery and then met me in the recovery room with baby silas where we cuddled and tried breast feeding for the first time. SO many tears were shed- it was just very special. Then we were wheeled back to my room where my parents were waiting and I cried lots and lots more. Phew. What an emotional day!
So the next three days at the hospital got increasingly better. It was hard at first not being to eat or move, trying to breastfeed and not sleeping at all (just had a really hard time sleeping those first few days). But slowly I was able to get up more and do more.
By day three were able to go home- yay! It’s been great being home too- feeling more comfortable in my rocking chair to breast feed. And Silas has been eating and gaining weight super well. He’s already surpassed his birthweight at only 5 days old when they usually expect that to happen after 2/3 weeks! The nights can be tough for me- just feeling like you never get to sleep and are always awake. But we’re loving all the special moments with him…giggling over his sounds and facial expressions, laughing when he pees and poops and spits up simultaneously, and just enjoying cuddling and kissing him.
So that’s the story of Silas’ birth. He weighed 6 lbs 12 oz at birth and was born on january 17 at 12:54 pm. =)

37 weeks

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

Yikes. Any day now I’m going to be ‘officially’ a Mom. Not really sure how to process this information. How do I get ready?? I feel more uncomfortable sitting than ever- with every twist and turn the baby makes I either have to run off to the bathroom to pee, feel short of breath, or have to get up…feels like this body is definitely getting a bit too small for the two of us. So, in that way, I’m ready to be done pregnancy and meet my little boy. Yet- it’s kind of,well, yup… scaring me to death. How will labour go? And after he arrives, THEN WHAT DO I DO? (okay, I need to relax a bit, but I’m super nervous about how I’ll transition into motherhood). Any tips from ‘been there, done that’ first time parents?

my active little boy, insomnia, and other pregnancy facts

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

33 weeks already and insomnia has taken over. I woke up last night at 2:30, then 5:30, then was awake for good at about 6:00. Tossing, turning, peeing, ahhh! So frustrating! It doesn’t even really make sense to me because I feel tired but I just can’t get comfortable. And my little boy moved a little jungle gym into my belly, or at least that’s how it feels. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am proud of his little break dancing moves and every time he moves I feel a sense of reassurance…but at the same time…..I feel like spanking (what I think is his little bum poking into my ribs) and say, “SIT STILL!” But I guess this is what I should expect for having a little boy.

I started reading this book about raising boys called “wild things,” and from what I’ve read and seen in little boys, I’m in for a ride! The authors of this book talk about how curious and active little boys are wired to be…oh man. I wonder why we bought a new house? I’m sure the little guy will destroy it before he’s 5. Makes me think I should already change the home to fit a little boy’s energy…turn the den into an empty room with rubber walls, install a fireman’s pole from the top floor to the bottom. Hmm.
I can’t believe in some ways that I could have this little boy any day! I feel not yet prepared- but then over prepared at the same time. I made a ridiculous amount of applesauce the other day (?) clearly unnecessary, but then I still lack a number of things from the nursery, don’t have my hospital bag packed, haven’t bought Christmas presents…ahhh! Will I be ready? I guess I will have to be in one way or another!
What else to report in pregnancy? I’m itchy, suddenly ravenous at random times, feel like I’m not sure if I’m going to pee my pants most of the time (especially while in superstore- I hate that place, it’s far too big), and I’m wondering how it’s possible that I have to wait TWO MORE MONTHS for this pregnancy to be done with. Sigh.